


Hazard Pay

by Celestial_Alignment



Category: Wild Wild West (TV)
Genre: Funny, Humor, Villain PoV, life as a villain, some random goons, what happens when you're on the receiving end of James West
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:00:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28601088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celestial_Alignment/pseuds/Celestial_Alignment
Summary: When you're a thug and you get hired by the villain of the week in The Wild Wild West.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	Hazard Pay

Dan and George were in the uniforms they were hired to wear by their nefarious boss. Black button down shirts, black pants, gun belts, and bright red hoods over their heads with small holes cut out for the eyes like they were turkey vulture costumes made by children.

  
While their nefarious boss was in the cellar of his house devising how to carry out his nefarious plan and kill the two government agents that meddled with it, Dan and George were tasked with guarding the wagon that carried a one-of-a-kind cannon that was capable of blowing your average house in half.

  
“Look, I’m just sayin’! I heard that Bill was paid twice as much for this job. I’m havin’ my doubts I’ll ever get paid. I was hired for two dollars a day and I have to wear this hood on my head like I’m some kinda executioner from Merry Old-God-Damned England..”

“It’s to hide your face, Dan.”

“I _know_ it’s for hidin’ my face, George. But a bandanna woulda worked just as well. This hood just isn’t practical, y’know?”

“It breathes alright.”

“Yeah, but you weren’t there when we had to steal those files from the governor’s office and that dude walked in on us and beat the tar outta each and every one of us. I think we coulda had him if these hoods weren’t all over our eyes and faces. I couldn’t see a goddamned thing.”

“You couldn’t take one man?”

“There were five of us and this little sonuvabitch in a bright blue suit threw Finley out the window, clocked Vic out cold in one punch, and broke a chair over my head before he threw me over the desk. I didn’t see what he did to Sam and Eugene, but when I came to, they were sticking outta the floorboards!”

“Why didn’t you shoot him?”

“He was moving too damn fast and too damn much for anyone to shoot anything! To hell with it. When this job’s done, I think I’ll get back into somethin’ respectable.”

“You couldn’t be respectable if you spent the rest of your life in a church—Did you hear something?”

“I could be respectable! I worked a straight job once as a cowhand in Arkansas.”

“…Must be a possum…”

“I even had a job as a clerk in a depot once!”

Something dropped from the ceiling. A blue streak of a well-tailored suit that exploded into fists the second it hit the ground between Dan and George. They had no time to react before they were each punched in the jaw, George got a knee to his innards and was unceremoniously thrown into the nearest stall underneath a horse. Dan, meanwhile, found himself slammed head first into an empty barrel, and before they could collect themselves, the blue streak was gone.

Out in the yard they heard shouting and gunfire. Moments later, something exploded, a ball of fire rising into the night sky.

By morning, their boss was arrested.

Dan and George never got paid.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by all the times that Jim West dropped from the ceiling onto unsuspecting goons, who probably never get paid enough for what they have to deal with.


End file.
